Wednesday, 30 December 2015

Style tip: play, exchange & self empowerment

When assembling an outfit its important to think through the different layers and the things you will be doing while wearing your latest choice. Sound funny? Well some pre-thought on this might save you hassle later and keep you always looking good whatever you are putting on or taking off.

When I talk about layers it refers to the different layers you can put on and the different combinations possible. For example outside you have one look with coat, scarf, boots and trousers, but if it get warm and sunny you loose the scarf and coat, is your outfit still working for you? Are you warm enough? Adding a few thinner layers can help with situations where you are not sure if you will be warm or cold. You can always get rid of these later and don't take much room up in your bag. Does this new combination in your style work colour, texture and combination.

Even underwear is often forgotten, have you realized that different shaped bras and briefs create different shapes in your silhouette? While this article is mainly aimed at women it goes for men too. The layers underneath have a direct effect on the ones above. If not then take notice the next time you are getting dressed. Underwear although almost never seen can make or break and outfit.

Second check point is the practicality of an outfit. A clothing choice should live up to the practical requirements you might have until you change. If you are going on a long hike you definitely don't want heels or clothing that restricts movement, on a date you would wear something that makes you feel relaxed and attractive. The other alternative is changing for every different activity which is possible but a lot work.

Lastly the feel of an outfit is addressing how you feel in it and what image or unconscious reactions do you get from other people. The reactions you want from other people is a good thing to keep in mind when deciding what to wear. We have a great power to decide many aspects of how we are seen by others, too few of us really use it and even fewer use it to bring out the best of themselves. Rather than be ruled by the 'good style choices' we made. An example of this is when you see someone walking down the street in absolutely beautiful clothing that might or might not combine, but its elegant and sophisticated. See the problem, the clothes were wearing the person and the person who had taken all that trouble to find beautiful things remained hidden. Wear your clothes and don't be ruled by them.

There is a psychology behind this too. While many of us want to be seen we might not be ready for it. Fighting tooth and nail to put up bounderies and hide. Using too much make up and overbearing clothing choices, or worse simply not caring at all.

For myself i tend to approach an outfit in on from the end result needed or desired if i need to be more effecient while working with a specific look. This then decides the choices about underwear, accessories and layers which work well toward this goal. If i have time and no particular look in mind its fun to build from the underwear up, especially if you are going out. Its nice to take time for the preparation, going with what you feel to be the right thing for that moment, changing if need be. More on this topic another time.

Winter fashion meets Indian accessories and dynamic colours


 


The style tips above can be the difference between getting a job from an interview, a second date or generally just feeling good in your skin. Bring together awareness of layering, activities of the day and suitability, lastly adding the projected image you want to bring when out and about. Make a choice about how others see you and empower yourself today.

Other articles that may be of interest in the style genre are:

Tokyo street fashion, inspired by Manga?
Tokyo street fashion (東京のストリートファッション), inspired Starwars and imitating Manga - See more at: http://www.chicloca.com/2015/12/tokyo-street-fashion-inspired-starwars.html#sthash.I5INGx4X.dpuf
Other articles of interest in the style genre:

Other articles of interest in the style genre:

Other articles in the Travel genre:
Little black dress, all its cracked up to be
http://www.chicloca.com/2015/12/little-black-dress.html - See more at: http://www.chicloca.com/2015/12/tokyo-street-fashion-inspired-starwars.html#sthash.I5INGx4X.dpuf

Other articles of interest in the style genre:

Other articles in the Travel genre:
Little black dress, all its cracked up to be
http://www.chicloca.com/2015/12/little-black-dress.html - See more at: http://www.chicloca.com/2015/12/tokyo-street-fashion-inspired-starwars.html#sthash.I5INGx4X.dpuf
http://www.chicloca.com/2015/12/tokyo-street-fashion-inspired-starwars.html

Little black dress, all its cracked up to be:
http://www.chicloca.com/2015/12/little-black-dress.html

Tuesday, 29 December 2015

Did you know ... fashions trends

I am busy researching ideas and designs for my new collection of clothing for dancers and anyone wanting something a little special for their wardrobe, be it sexy dress for a party or elegant clothing that moves effortless for dancers. Including the important detail of fitting well but not shifting around. Just because we move, the clothing shouldn't have to. The process of designing clothing is interesting unto itself. How does a collection come into being and why, what are the choices that make the final outcome. I hope to share something of this process with you. The final outcome being showcased in february 2016.

For me the first step was to decide why i am designing a collection and to what purpose. The answers to these questions came very quickly as they were the underlying reason for beginning in the first place.

I have always been interested in creating clothes that flatter all shapes and bring out the personality of the person wearing them, and not the other way around. Too often you see clothes wearing the person who is somehow lost in the mass of fabric and whatever else is going on with an outfit. I love the idea of bringing a collection that enables me to educate people that they are beautiful and can wear clothes to bring out their uniqueness, shining like the sun. Secondly as a dancer i have experienced many mishaps with clothing moving around as you are focused in your dance. Mostly you can unceremoniously pull it back into the correct position but sometimes a bit more of you is exposed than intended. I am designing clothing that if specially fitted to the dancer will stay put. Allow extra freedom in not worrying about clothing and simply enjoying the dance. Not only this but elegant clothing that is both sexy and comfortable, with a twist on classic designs adding flavour. There is also a possibility to take an item from our basic range and add all sorts of extras to truly make it your own and unique. Its uncommen to have this much choice at an affordable price. This is the aim for the NEW addition to the Cielita Loca store which until february is offering unique clothing at great prices.

Principal aims are:

  • Elegant clothing that stays put and flatters
  • With Options of elegant of hip chic, something for everyone
  • Clothing that is fitted and accentuates movement, great for dancers
  • Combines well with other designs in the collection or great basics you have in your wardrobe.
  • Influenced by great classic fashions with a twist of modern design. 
  • With attention to detail on the back as well as the front, with dancers the back is all you see when you dance.
  • Fabric with be great to touch offering texture for the outfit.
  • Extra options of choosing fitting and additions to basic range for individual touch.

 

 The research continues...

 

 




I find myself looking back in time when i research.  i love the idea that when i design something it incorporates the best of the old while adding a new twist making contemporary and modern. Probably more important is wearable and making the person feel at home decorating their body with something that makes their personality shine.









The images i have in my head remind me strongly of the 1900s, with their long lines, high waist and use of detail to accentuate a woman's figure creating elegance and sophistication. Buttons and fascinator hats galore. Taking details like buttons, a high waist that ties in with current fashions and the chic use of fabrics to create designs that incorporate a flavour of the 1900s fashion. Combining it with the dress length more commonly found in the 1950s, with shorter options if people want it.

The history of fashion plays such a big part of what is current in vogue today. Fashionistas forget this too easily. Part of the strength of todays fashion is drawn from the greats of yearsterday and beyond. For me they will always be an inspiration and power to include. So many concepts of politics, style and the social factors that were important in shaping an era's style concept give greater significance to the things we wear now. A dress is not simply a dress but a representative of times past, while capturing the modern times.

Stay posted for the new collection or visit Cielito's home for more information on workshops, tango and all new activities happening at our studio in the New year.

Other articles that may be of interest in the style genre are:

Tokyo street fashion, inspired by Manga?
Tokyo street fashion (東京のストリートファッション), inspired Starwars and imitating Manga - See more at: http://www.chicloca.com/2015/12/tokyo-street-fashion-inspired-starwars.html#sthash.I5INGx4X.dpuf
Other articles of interest in the style genre:

Other articles of interest in the style genre:

Other articles in the Travel genre:
Little black dress, all its cracked up to be
http://www.chicloca.com/2015/12/little-black-dress.html - See more at: http://www.chicloca.com/2015/12/tokyo-street-fashion-inspired-starwars.html#sthash.I5INGx4X.dpuf

Other articles of interest in the style genre:

Other articles in the Travel genre:
Little black dress, all its cracked up to be
http://www.chicloca.com/2015/12/little-black-dress.html - See more at: http://www.chicloca.com/2015/12/tokyo-street-fashion-inspired-starwars.html#sthash.I5INGx4X.dpuf
http://www.chicloca.com/2015/12/tokyo-street-fashion-inspired-starwars.html


Sunday, 27 December 2015

New blogger login, first steps

The word blog has become universally known as the way to go when you want to make contact with the huge number of people online. But equally big is the idea that now there is such a huge saturation of blogs available and many quality established ones. How does a new blogger make their way in this vast world. I have no idea, but with a wish to learn, energy to drive the blogging engine and a lot of things to write about i hope to create a blog that people enjoy. I am going to share my journey of making a blog and getting it out into the world to receive traffic and hopefully build a returning audience. From 0 to infinity and beyond, ok not buzz light year but you get the gist.

 

First steps

When i finally had decided to create a blog, I began to research the best places to get started. Not knowing much about this world i wanted to start with a free blog and if all went well invest in something more later. 

My research areas were:
  • what is a blog and how is it different from a website
  • the best free blog hosts
  • how to monetize a blog
  • lastly, how to get traffic

 

What is a blog and how is it different from a website

Blogs and websites have many similarities but some very distinctive differences too. I have read in a number of places that there isn't much difference between them if you are wanting to make money with writing content. Also to see the choice in terms of layout and which one best fits your needs. In the end it comes down to the be all and end all, can you get trafiic.

A blog is: a series of posts often presented by date and organised latest post first. The word blod comes from weblog and they were originally designed as a personal online journal but since then the available formats have got a little more varied and complex. 

A website is: content presented in a web pages, very flexible in how you lay these pages out compared to blogs. They are simpler to redesign from the back end than blogs, particularly if you are knowledgable with the different programming languages. While blogs have one step to publishing new content, websites need a ftp program in this process. But this also depends on the website setup you are using. Comparable website publishing to blogger and wordpress could be wix, branded me or any of the other hundreds of free website building places online. With these you also have a 1 click process to publishing content once its been edited and checked. The big differences come when you want to create your own website from scratch. If you start from scratch then another difference would be that websites are a more costly way to publish content.

In conclusion, websites are a more costly way to publish content but its easier to edit appearance and make choices about layout of content. Blogs bind you in to a specific format for content in the form of posts, but they are often free or cheaper to setup and there are many widgets and plugins available to bring something a little more functionality and design to your layout.

What did i choose? I already have a website and am in a learning process with this that is always ongoing. I have been making my own websites using a number of programs and management possibiltiies like Joomla. So I was really interested in making a blog and exploring this channel. The fact that blogs are free and have different possibilities of reaching people, including a more informal feel made it different from my website where i have chosen a friendly, informative but slightly removed style for writing and presenting things. For this blog everything is hands on.


The best free blog hosts

I don't know about you but i found a sea of free blog platforms when first entering this search. The two that kept on being mention where Wordpress and Blogger or Blogspot. I wasn't really sure which to choose as they both have their merits. 

There is a really good comparison by Tim Brookes for those of you who want a well laid out comparisons of blogging opportunities.

In the end i went for blogger or Blogspot because of the seeming freedom it has to do all the basics without much fuss and that i already ahd some experience with it because of an earlier blog page set up for a project organised by Cielito. 

After having setup and used blogger for a couple of weeks the only thing i would mention as something to check if you are in the dilemma of which one to choose, is to check how easy it is to change code. Blogger seems to be pretty complicated or messy (i don't have the knowledge to know) in the back end which makes changes more difficult for someone with basic coding skills. I don't know how wordpress compares to this.


How to monetize a blog

While i found lots of useful information, it seemed that i couldn't implement it until i had got going with a blog and blogging. The main things that came up time and time again was to focus on:
  • creating quality content and including photos, videos and other media to bring interest to audience.
  • Target posts for your desired audience, who are you writing for?
  • Utilise social media platforms as a way to spread the word about your new blog.
  • SEO like formatting the blog for search engines, including: tagging, good permalinks and descriptions of posts to give better search results.
  • Overall idea build traffic in anyway possible while not abusing ways to do this via spam or over publicising to specific audiences. The above ways are a good start.
So while i am not ready to monetize my blog, i am busy learning to bring in more traffic while hopefully not spamming people with my new enthusiasm. I have also found that giving a little time to finding out who my audience is and my own voice is great. Somehow when many creative projects start there is a beginning time of defining what the project is, how it will look like and who it is for. Also importantly what does it do for them and how is it different from others doing something similar? Basic branding concepts are a really good one to look into, recognition of you blog is important for building audiences and through this traffic. If people recognise, respect and value what you offer they will come back time and time again and even better show others what you are posting. While a new blogger, i have experience in building a business and gained this knowledge from other areas. People like something trustworthy and quality so give them something to chew on and have faith in yourself to get started. It took a little for me to make this step but already in 7 days i am getting over 50 visits a day and have had as many as 800 in one day. Not so much for you experienced ones out there, but i am happy.




How to get traffic?

I have the feeling the more creative and the more information about what others are already doing is the way to go here. There are some really great blog lists out there and i would suggest to go through a number of the tips lists to check what you are doing and if you miss any of their suggestions get it done today to build traffic. On the 18th december i know zero about blogging, i know have a little and am seeking to grow a lot. I don't have the answers to  this one yet, but some suggestions so far would be:
  • Don't be too shy to let friends, family, and business contacts know about your blog. this one is for the new writers out there. This was my personal hurdle and i am still not quite there with letting my people know.
  • Sign up to some of the social media sharing sights and build networks there. the bigger and more quality these networks are the bigger your range to advertise to when sharing blog posts. Its not enough to have an account. Unfortunately this task feels a little endless.
  • Content, make sure you are posting quality content with tags and links. With a variety of media, formats depending no the type of audience you are wanting to attract.
More to come here as i explore further. There is so much information out there available. For me personally i found that creating a basic style sheet for my blog that includes all the important things that must be on there, governing how its looks, the type of voice i will use when writing, social media i will regularly use and build, colours, style of media and photos, advertising?. A basic posting template that helps me remember all the components i want to include in every post which can be built on as i discover more in my search for information.

Follow my blogging journey by signing up to these posts by email or feed. see side bar for details.


For articles on travel, style and creative writing see the pages above or some of these suggestions:

Whats the relationship between Nutrition, healthy eating and fitness (fitness):
http://www.chicloca.com/2015/12/relationship-nutrition-heathy-food-fitness.html

Cheap tickets to an exotic destination, Mumbai India (travel):
http://www.chicloca.com/2015/12/cheap-tickets-exotic-destination-india.html

Little black dress, is it all its cracked up to be? (styling tips):
http://www.chicloca.com/2015/12/little-black-dress.html


Friday, 25 December 2015

Tokyo street fashion, inspired Starwars and imitating Manga?

Japan has always been a fascination for me. Its a country with so many different cultural rich points that intrigue. Taking one aspect in particular for this article. Japanese fashion has and is continuing to leave its mark on the fashion world far away from the small countries own borders.  Be it with more historical styles like the kimono or the strong images portrayed by samurai and geisha alike. Unique and strong fashion style that clearly stands out on its own. Even Japanese cloth is something to be treasured, everything from beautiful silk to dynamic prints. Recently i have entered the world of Manga and found to my amazement that this cartoon style has inspired a whole new generation to create a bombastic fashion of their own. Manga is a uniquely detailed cartoon form with lifelike human portrayals with many additions of fantasy. Manga has been one of many influences of an ever changing street fashion world in Japan fueled by history, politics, economic abundance and in this case an art form. 

There are many different styles to be seen in the street fashion of Tokyo. Its more than just clothing but fashion and beauty mixed into various degrees of avante garde street fashion. Some such styles are Lolita in its various forms (gothic, sweet, classic, punk, kodona), Gyaru ( alternative name Ganguru), Kogal, Bōsōzoku, Decora, Visual kei in all its variations (cult party kei and angora kei to mention a couple). See Wikipedia for a full description of these street fashions from Tokyo, Japan. Fruit magazine run by editor Shoichi Aoki has followed the changes of Japanese street fashion since 1997. Shoichi Aoki has made quite a name for herself in this area. Going further into into street fashion i found one style that stood out for me as being slightly disturbing, and surreal while in many cases being beautiful at the same time. Harajuku style is a way of life, with head to toe makeup, often fake hair additions or wigs and a way out combination of colour, print and style. Harajuku is a district of Tokyo which is where the fashion gets its name. See below for a photo presentation of manga cartoon pictures, general japanese street fashion and the Harajuku style fashion you can see frequently on the streets of Tokyo today.

Manga art (cartoon art form)






Japanese fashion



 



 




 





 

     

 



 


Remind you of the latest Star wars movie? I suspect that Japan's street fashion and style culture in general has been the inspiration for many a strange and inspired costume. Whether these styles are extreme or just up your street who is to say. But whats clear is you can see influences in what some might call mainstream fashion. Its both interesting to acknowledge and grow more knowledge of the extremes which often open out area for experimentation and finding our own unique style. See below for Fruit magazine cover, if any of you are interested for a truly informed opinion, seek out Shoichi Aoki. I hope you have enjoyed this post.

Other articles of interest in the style genre:

Other articles in the Travel genre:
Little black dress, all its cracked up to be
http://www.chicloca.com/2015/12/little-black-dress.html


Happy christmas and holidays for those who don't celebrate christmas

a little something thats cute...





Something funny....















Something stylish....



And something naughty...




Merry xmas

Greetings Chic loca

Thursday, 24 December 2015

Cheap tickets to an exotic destination, whats your flight status?

With family in Australia and New Zealand, I have been lucky enough to travel from a very young age. Flight status is always on the go especially working in Tango. Its gotten me air tickets to many great places outside on the realm of the travel guide books, seeing how the locals do it. I will take the chance to thank all the people who hosted me on my travels. I would like to share a little of the exotic beauty of Mumbai with you and just maybe inspire a new air ticket.

Seeing exotic destinations that both capture the imagination and test limits of understanding when facing overwhelming situations. Ranging from the raw beauty, poverty culture and cheeky monkeys in Bombay or Mumbai. Not to mention our taxi driver who took us to some very special places around the city, later in the evening to be found playing cricket in the kitchen of our hotel along with 3 other younger men. Singapore with its exotic markets, mixing pot of cultures and stunning temples. Bangkok, Hong Kong and Japan which still remains on my untraveled list but country i would dearly like to visit.



India and in particular Mumbai (Bombay)

India or i should say Mumbai was a one time deal for me. Admitting to not having traveled outside the city. Later hearing that its good to travel outside because the capital city is very different from anywhere else. But for me as a child of 9 years, the 5 days we spent there were some of the most thrilling and boundery crossing of my life in that moment. Visiting the Gateway to india and the Taj Mahal palace sitting next to each other edge of the Mumbai harbour.

This is also one of the places to take a boat trip out across the water to Elephanta Island, a truly astounding place that goes far beyond exotic into realms that were fascinating as a child. the sheer size of the caves that are completely man made. Slightly scared of being in the dark, haunted spaces. Just before making the way down to the boat again we many tiny monkeys up to no good, teasing tourists and locals alike. Highlight was a baby monkey making comedy for everyone, painfully close tot he edge of a small drop. Laughing and hoping at the same time. Then the call to return to the boat came so everyone began to file down to the water. For me and my brother i think the boat was also one of the best bits, coming form a family who loves boats an the water i think something rubbed off.




Each day we would go and do something one of us wanted to do, and on the third day it was my turn. Back home mum had two very beautiful sari's from the time she and my father had lived in Sudan. As a small girl i loved them. Wishing to dress up, make unusual costumes and in particular the big tents that used to take up most of the bedroom. So with this in mind mum promised to buy me a sari in Mumbai. Each day we had the same taxi man who mum had made a deal with. He seemed friendly and honest while enjoying our adventurousness to go off the beaten track of tourist routes into more local places which my mother loved. After about 40 minutes in the taxi he parked the car and asked us to follow him, while i loved the idea of owning my own sari i was a little worried when he started to go down alley ways and tighter and smaller places. Then suddenly he stopped and told us to enter the doorway, keeping in mind this was less than a meter tall. It was a bazaar wonderful moment filled with trepidation. i was the first to go in, it was a tiny room filled from bottom to top with saris of all colours and pattern. Truly beautiful, we talked with the owner for 20 minutes and then he brought out 3 sari's that might fit what i was looking for. He and my mum haggled over the price, something she had learned in Sudan i think.   The owner enjoyed great that this unexpected woman could battle with him over price and in the end he gave a leaving present of a shawl as a reward. i will never forget his grin as we left.



Another day was spent walking the beach that was very close to our hotel, the amazing combination of extreme wealth going into sudden desperate poor as you walk across an invisible line on the beach. Running from shoreline to coastal road, separating two worlds.  The culture shock of this day was extreme. It was also the moment i think my brother and i truly looked at the people we were passing and were away from the seeming safety of the taxi. Everywhere we walked we had people coming up and begging for money. We briefly went in the taxi to a temple my mum wanted to see. On the way back we saw a small crowd of children begging outside. Some had were crippled and i remember wanting to give them something when the taxi driver smiled at me and told that it wouldn't do any good. Sadly he told how parents will break the limbs of their children so they make more money begging. To give money to these children will only grow the problem and the they won't see any of the money anyway. Many of these children don't reach adulthood.

At that point we went back to the hotel and something inside me broke, I remember as clearly as if it was yesterday. I wanted my air ticket home and out of this place. My brother and i didn't want to go out on the last day, and i think it had to do with the feeling of not being safe anymore. After some complaining how boring we are, Mum got us the most delicious omelet sandwiches. What made them taste so good was the spicy tomato ketchup they had used. So we stayed holed up for the last day of our visit.

On our last day we had one more meal of the most delicious omelette sandwiches ever and left for the airport to check into our flight. When we arrived the flight had been delayed so we had to wait for about 3 hours constantly checking up the flight status. This is one of the more potentially annoying things about air travel and probably traveling in general. But it gave the change to look around. There was a shop selling lonely planet travel guides next to another selling more of the same, maybe slightly different brands i don't know anymore. But travel guides all the same. Getting up i checked the flight status again and suddenly we were running for the gate as the boarding had begun without any announcements or warning.





My last memory of Mumbai was the change in flight status, the airplane taking off. Joking about the spicy orange juice and spicy English breakfast. Thinking about the meaning of some of the things we had seen in the last days and feeling truly thankful that i wasn't one of the poor beggar children. It was a life defining moment making me vow to live life as it comes and be thankful for what i have.

If you liked this article follow us via email or sign up to our feed for comments and posts.

Other articles in the Travel genre:

Lonely planet, globetrotter without the baggage, click below.
Lonely planet, Globetrotter without baggage
Lonely planet, Globetrotter without baggage
http://www.chicloca.com/2015/12/lonely-planet-globetrotter-jasmine.html




Word meanings from yesterday



Yesterday i wrote a brief list of words promising to post their meanings today, did you know all of the word meanings already. Some where very new to me until yesterday.

Word list:
1. Lambkin   (shakespeare) 
meaning: sweet little thing, if lamb wasn't diminutive enough the kin on the end makes it smaller and sweeter. 

2. agastopia 
 meaning - its the admiration of a particular body part.
3. kakorrhaphiophobia
meaning - its the fear of failure.

4. oxter
meaning - an old name for the armpit
5. winklepicker
meaning - sounds dirty but actually refers to a 1950s fashion where men would wear pointy shoes.

6. Machiavellianism 
meaning - refers to a belief that politics is amoral an any of way of getting political power is acceptable
 
7. Prestidigitation 
meaning -  sleight of hand

8. Plenipotentiary  
meaning - a person, invested with full power or authority to transact business on behalf of another.
 
9. Quattuordecillion
meaning - a cardinal number represented in the U.S. by 1 followed by 45 zeros, and in Great Britain by 1 followed by 84 zeros.

Liked this post, then check out the post relating to this:
Spelling-english-words-dictionary-translation-thesaurus.html


Other articles of interest in the style genre:

Other articles in the Travel genre:
Spelling English words, dictionary or thesaurus needed pronto:
http://www.chicloca.com/2015/12/spelling-english-words-dictionary-translation-thesaurus.html

Reference - thanks to online dictionary for help with translations, dictionary.reference.com 

Wednesday, 23 December 2015

Spelling English words, dictionary or thesaurus needed pronto

A day of words...

So this morning I am updating and writing new text for my website and come across many tiny red lines under some words telling me my spelling is wrong. I would swear my spellings not that bad, pretty good in fact. But still the little red dotted lines are on my page. I doubt myself and get my old friend the oxford English dictionary, the last thing I want is avoidable bad spelling. Checking each word one by one, none of them are spelt incorrectly.  Is a dictionary or translator needed? I realized I was writing in the queens English while the spellings desired by my program wanted American English versions. Phew, I am not going crazy, but this opens up a whole new world. To the word freaks out there who simply love words. Knowing that there were differences as a theory is totally different to the confusion created when you have a mix of systems, especially when there is not enough awareness of it. Suspecting that there are many people out there who are mixing up these spellings, its a ncie thing to bring to this blog. I am also fascinated to check how I spell many words in English and suspect some American versions have crept in.

Should we protect the beauty of the difference or go for communicating which might be considered the original purpose for writing in the first place. Just for clarity I have nothing against American English, I simply grew up in the UK and the Oxford English dictionary has been the book I most cherished over the years along with a thesaurus and my word translation dictionary for spanish and now dutch.

Later today i came across some blogs with truly cool words  and one who was quoting some of Shakespeare's finest creations, see below for a list. Can you word out their meanings? Tomorrow I will post the meanings.

Word list:

1. Lambkin   (shakespeare)
2. agastopia 
3. kakorrhaphiophobia
4. oxter
5. winklepicker
6. Machiavellianism 
7. Prestidigitation 
8. Plenipotentiary  
9. Quattuordecillion

10.  suggest a word to add to the list in the comments part.


 




 

Monday, 21 December 2015

Haiku by Isolde Kanikani

These haiku are a small collection written at different times. i hope you enjoy.



Coldness of body

Brings clear thinking about life

Warmth makes us lazy


We possess a lot

Cherish far less than we own

Savour more with less



Music moves spirit

Notes exfoliate on ears

Like exhaled breath on skin



Body shivers now

With intoxication of scent

So vividly felt


Milonga sadness

Compellingly haunting me

To deep essence core

 

Lonely planet, Globetrotter without baggage

This isn't your typical travel story about the places we should see on this lonely planet, doing it with fewer belongings. Or a travel guide for the places one must see or one hasn't lived. Its about people who already travel and have this bug of always needing to move onto the next big experience. Caught in the rapture of getting things done and the thrill of the chasing the next jet stream to a place that will somehow fulfill the inside need that drives us all. Flight after flight, traveling the world. I include myself into this mix. Little do we know that somehow we are scattering ourselves across this lonely planet, with little bits of history forgotten in cities around the globe.

With this era of globetrotting and the perception that we as individuals are defined by our history, how do we carry this with us without it becoming too heavy. Should we carry it at all and is this focus on big adventure and excitement taking us away from developing more internal processes that can lead to greater personal fulfillment? These are questions you can only answer yourself, here are a few of mine to prompt thought.

I don't have the feeling to hang onto my history, but integrating the experiences into who i am in the present and giving them an acknowledged existence somehow feels apt. Sometimes these big experiences are left forever, sometimes you find it back again with a little element of surprise as you go around a corner of a city you feel you barely know. Falling into a place where you have fallen in love, or got lost, or some small or big story that reminds you of times past. A distant memory that stalks you on your travels until you are reunited by physically being in the same place again. How well do we know any place? But one that holds strong memories is a place that is on our internal map forever.

Traveling lightly has been a natural process when constantly on the move. Including the way I dealt with shifting relationships with friends, family and loves. I sometimes have the feeling i should have worked more on these relationships instead of the minimalist approach i took to everything. Always living fully and deeply, moving on, letting go, chasing the dream and never standing still. Addicted to crossing off big experiences in my internal list, until the day I faced my inner junky. Exchanging big adventures and dangerous situations for taking the time to live fully each moment. See the value in the small things like walking through a sun soaked garden, smelling jasmine and orange blossom mixing together after it had just rained. It probably sounds funny but i only discovered that i have a really good sense of smell when i was 23 years old. With this new found peace that moved with me, I saw this beautiful city of Buenos Aires with fresh eyes and wonder.


So now I bump into baggage blindly, walking around a forgotten corner into a street where i had a difficult moment, or avoiding unconsciously a house where I discovered that someone could truly love me. A particular crossing where 2 guys where so busy chatting me up from the safety of their car, that they comically crashed into a pile of garbage left to one side of the pedestrian crossing. i laughed about that for days. A milonga where I was with a lover for the last time before we wordlessly left each other and having already expressed so much and not knowing how to continue in our separate worlds.  The list goes on. Its got to the point where I would like to either spend a lot of time here to change it creating new stories or make this my last journey here to this beautiful city of Buenos Aires. This only highlights that its physically uncomfortable for me to experience history that is built into a place. I am not used to this and think to find peace with history itself rather than try for one of the above two options.

So for now I am sitting in my history learning not to take it too seriously while also having a moment in time to question my present and what is happening in my life right now. When do we choose that difficult is too much and move on? a big question for me now as i am always worried about the mistake to move on too quickly, often causing myself pain and more hurt in the process. A bit cryptic but i will leave it this way for now. Written as if pen to paper.

isolde kanikani blog chiclocaBefore the big boom in air travel, we all lived more in one place. Where each person was surrounded by their own history. Nowadays we globe trotters have gotten so used to experiencing so much but leaving it behind in some forgotten place. The incidental confrontations are uncomfortable because we are less used to them now. Growing as people from the experience but not having the confrontation and responsibility of it like we used to have in times when people moved around a lot less, and friends were like mirrors. Searching for fulfillment in big experiences while its often the personal everyday ones that hold the greatest meaning for us when we look back. Like the sailor who has a lover in every port, until he discovers the love of his life and all others are forgotten. I suspect that when i look back as an old woman on my life, I won't be interested in the in ports or the list that stands full with my adventures. But instead remembering and cherishing the people who touched my life profoundly
however brief and the little instances that have added rich flavours.

Never forgetting the first time I smelled jasmine and orange blossom mixing forever in a tiny sun soaked garden, installed forever on the internal map of my tiny globe.

Saturday, 19 December 2015

Whats the relationship between nutrition, healthy food and fitness

Whats the relationship between nutrition, healthy food and fitness? Some people would say that healthy food equals good nutrition but is this really the case. i won't pretend to have all the answers but instead share a little of my experience delving into this no mans land of what you should and shouldn't do. The simple thing is that many of us want to eat healthy food but this doesn't always give us the right nutrition that our bodies need to be healthy. Like any good thing we can also overdo it, loading our bodies with something it has to digest and which takes its toll too. i think more and more people are understanding the idea of fitness, but even within this word there are different sorts of exercise and ways to be fit. So what is the one answer to being healthy, eating the right food for good nutrition and exercising in a way that hits all the fitness targets?

In my experience there isn't one, our bodies are as individual as our personalities. While we may look similar there are so many variations in our makeup that make it impossible for a one size fits all policy and quite frankly i wouldn't believe anyone selling you this concept. But below are some tips i found useful, quite often falling into them but nearly always by trying out possibilities.


Tip 1 - find out if you have any allergies, strong or weaker intolerances.

i found that only through testing could i really get to know the nutritional needs of my body. When i talk about this with friends who have also gone through similar processes the way of finding out has been so similar but the results are often completely different. Seeming random if you didn't know any better. i realised when i was 14 that i had a strong lactose and milk intolerance. This was after having extremely milky tea and coffee for years. When i got rid of the diary products out of my diet the changes were incredible. I got slimmer, healthier and felt more free in my body. My skin improved which had always been a problem in my teenage years.


Tip 2 - find the combination of carbohydrates, proteins and fats that work for your body and lifestyle

At 14 i realised that if this one thing could make such a difference, what else was i doing that would make me feel either good or less good in my body. So i started to experiment with healthier eating. After four or 4 days of having vegetables, fruit and a high level of protein coupled with all the sports i was doing, i felt amazing. To this day if i cut out coffee and sugar for this combination i feel really good. Experiment with finding which food groups do you good and the amounts. Often men need more carbohydrates than women, my boyfriend almost dies without bread in his diet. i can do without bread for days but need high levels of protein instead. Protein is very good for building up metabolism and lean muscles that aid this process so i would suggest not cutting protein out entirely. Fats are funny in the sense that not all fat is bad and actually there are good and bad fats.


Tip 3 - its often said that the right amount is great but too much can be lethal

i will never forget when i was 18 and a doctor friend of mine told me about the actual plate size we should eat compared the the amount we actually eat. And how tv dinners and such like where our brain is distracted from our food is a big cause of over eating because our satisfied mechanism doesn't kick in in the same way. For clarity its not about starving yourself but overloading the body with food takes a lot of its energy. Eating smaller meals and more often if this suits you is a great way to feel more energy.

Tip  4 - exercises and stretchs for the body that get the metabolism going and shift tension in the body.

The body loves exercise, even sometimes we don't like it. My personal journey lead me to pilates. It worked well for my body and i added other exercises a a good pilates routine that covered all bases. Working on only a few of the bodies muscle groups is less effective than finding exercises that get the whole body moving in one go. Exercise should be fun so why not search for something you like. Team sports could be a great option for those who like to socialise while you exercise. Solitary person then a nice stretch routine or jogging in the countryside or closest park could be your thing. Be creative, it doesn't have to be your worth nightmare and if you find something that gives you energy and fun you just might not be able to put it down again. Exercise is addictive once you get the right bug.


When i applied all four tips together i got closer to a fitter healthier feeling me, but was i nutrionally healthy even though i was eating healthy food? This is a good check point once you  have established what works for you. I find that while normally i have a good basic intake of food that works for me, every now and again i need or crave something else. This can be something sweet, or red meat, or a particular food i see when i am in the supermarket i don't eat very often.  i found giving into these cravings for food was a good way to bring in variation and give myself something my body wanted in moderation if less healthy. This was far more sustainable than sticking to the same eating routine day in and day out making higher hte risk of missing certain nutrients one needs in your diet.

So tune in, find yourself, get creative with exercise ideas. Just because one thing doesn't work for you it doesn't mean you failed. Sometimes it take years to really find what works for us. So believe in yourself, healthy living is for life not a fad.



Other articles that may be of interest in the fitness genre are:

Womens health and body building
Womens health and body building
http://www.chicloca.com/2015/12/womens-health-and-body-building.html

Friday, 18 December 2015

We are collecting your tango stories

Our latest mini project at Cielito is to invite all you Argentine tango dancers out there to share your creative skills and experiences with Argentine tango. What was your first experience? What comes to mind when we say the words Argentine Tango? Have you got a story to share? it can be anonymous if you are sure about being known.

All the stories that are submitted will be edited for spelling and pictures will be added when it fits. Not all stories will be added particularly in the case where the content is deemed unfit for general public use. If you wish to remain anonymous please make sure you press the anonymous button within the submission form.

Click here for the link to Cielito's website and Story submission page.

Why are we doing this?

For a long time i have wishes to bring together many of our stories into one place. There are many sites with tango videos, teaching tango demos, and hostory of tango information. But few focus on the people aspect of tango which is fundamentally so interesting because while many of the stories might indeed be similar the motivations, the reasoning and feelings behind them are universally different.

Unlock the hidden creative writer in you and share a little of what keeps you busy.

Greetings Loca


Wednesday, 16 December 2015

'a stalkers psychosis'

 'a stalkers psychosis'
30/12/13

Hi everyone, recently i realised that the experienced i had a few years ago was still troubling me. Not in a big obvious way but something of the feeling of being scared, powerless and hurt has gone deeper than i could have ever imagined. one of my new years resolutions is to engage with these effects and work through them. This thought prompted me to write a letter to myself about the experience. i needed to engage with it again to feel what had been felt. in this day and age we are so busy and too able to make everything alright. it wasn't alright so smoothing it over has somehow allowed it to do more damage than staring it in the face and simply dealing. i am posting it on the blog because a friend of mine read my letter after finding it on the table and made a short film using the words i wrote (first draft so to speak). Gine Maie wanted to offer a place for anyone who has had similar experiences to share and comment so feel free to add comments below or write to me personally if oyu would like to add a blog post here yourself. warm wishes and i hope you have a happy new year isolde

 ‘a stalkers psychosis’

I look into the mirror,
Seeing my own serene reflection,
But the depths of my eyes betray me,
Showing that all is not calm,
I have come so close to danger,
Tension created by his predetorial touch,

He pimps me with his eyes,
As I take off my coat and gloves,
In his psychosis my every move is for him,
He see’s a tanguera,
personal me isn’t in sight,

He checks me out,
I am unavailable,
He checks again and again,
I have to play host and teacher
But I should have told him to leave.

Letters of unrequited love,
When rebuked,
he makes me a whore,
I stand there in his minds eye,
In the hotel room he booked for my braking,
Standing vulnerable and alone,
In a forever alternating state,

Powerful, there to be broken,
Engaged to another man, lover, whore
Dressed and there for the taking,
Victim of my boyfriend’s jealousy?
(one of the many rumours he spread).

Followed over 100s of miles,
Asking if I am married yet?
I never know where he will turn up next,
Band from tango places, he waits outside,
When no one is watching, he finds me,
Cleverly making me feel stupid and small,
Taking pieces of me like ripped defences
I am left vulnerable and raw

Stronger, broader and taller
He scares me

The tanguera in me tells him it will never happen and leaves the room in disgust.

While introverted me is left to deal with feeling scared deeply, constant tense worry for my own safety when I leave the house by myself. I am changed and humbled, A letter to me (and all those who have shared a similar story, these things so often go unsaid

Engagement ring

10/11/11

About 8 months ago i bought myself a ring, it was something for me and to wear as something for me myself in that moment. i have always loved moon stone. so moon stone it became. womanly, magical, good for energy and circulation, my birthstone along with opal. Something so innocent and unexpecting has become so much. In different ways, situations, in life!
i associate the ring with safety from my stalker, it seemed a barrier to him and yet i never know when he will turn up. Phone calls have started again in a time i thought that just maybe he might has gone. he is back! i feel unsafe when i go to england so the ring comes whenever i travel there. but i am starting to feel trapped by this and feel i need to not react of this man who has such a profound ability to scare me. But he makes me strong because i realise how strong i am. i am not free from danger but i am strong.
the ring is also a clear sign that my heart is occupied. there is a great love in my life, such that i haven't been ready to experience until now. life is such a strange journey.In the way it prepares us for new challenges and surprises us with what is so unimaginably beautiful, that we don't imagine it.
i think to be asked to wear a engagement ring would be a big honour and moment in my life to remember. funny to own this now as i have never imagined to be engaged or to be chained to someone as i used to see it. to say to the law that you will be together when actually it should be enough to say this to each other. but a part of me wants to know that i am wanted and that i can want them in return so strongly as to say yes. to say i am totally in love with you and from this an attachment to build more love and deeper connection on. to love you, desire and want you, accept you for the beautiful person you are while we work together in creating a life we can both be fulfilled by. if he asked me i would say yes. once this had a meaning of freedom and now a wish.
the ring is still on my finger as i go to england. What does it mean and how has this changed? i am afraid, i am in love, i want to signify something and be significant. i want to love my beautiful man and bring fulfillment ot our lives, forgetting this stranger that imposes himself on something that is beautiful and changes my life.


Beautiful quote by Jeanette Winterson

A beautiful quote that gave me a sense of freedom in myself

'When you ask me why i cannot love you more calmly, i answer that to love you more calmly is not to love you at all.' Jeanette winterson


Airport Crowds

12/10/11

I find it always amazing to see how people are moving. Walking down the street, between chairs in a cafe, going to sit down standing up. To also notice how inefficiently we move and how we have  grown accustomed to these habits. As a child we are flexible and have little strength i n our bodies. From this time we are formed by a series of habits, be it a toy we liked to play with, riding a bike, playing with a ball, or biting the soft toy bunny rabbit ear. no i didn't do that but i was madly in love with a tricycle that my grandfather gave me. But the point is we learn these habits from an early age, but they aren't necessarily good for the way our body was designed to move.
its interesting to see what we percieve as normal movement. i am sitting in a cafe having a coffee in schiphol, Amsterdam airport. Before i sat down i saw a gorup of people who were wearing red tracksuits and assumed they were a sports time. Then i Saw that they had Russia on their uniforms. This confirms in your mind that they must be athletes.
Then the whole group got up to go to their flight. Everyone didn't look twice at this group who as a group became normal. They were hugely disabled in movement, 8 or so had a definite limp and chronic stiffness in their body, others had crutches, 2 were in a wheel chair. But they out numbered those who don't think twice about a none limp impaired movement. So they became normal. Groups have an amazing power on the individual. Sometimes hugely positive giving more confidence, a feeling of beloging amongst other things. Sometimes not. In this case it was beautiful to see.
i find it always really amazing to see how people are moving

Bounderies in tango?

 4/11/10

Just a thought really from dancing at a milonga. i am wondering what is happening with peoples bounderies as we dance more tango. i see a different ideal of the sort of things that are acceptable in a traditional milonga and a more alternative one. Many sorts of bounderies are possible, important ones? well theres a question. but i do wonder how relationships survive in a milonga where its culture finds it absolutely acceptable that a woman comes and sexually kisses a mans neck from behind, in full view of everyone including the mans wife. i don't mean a peck on an intimate spot but full on kissing, biting, sucking! i know the couple well and didn't want to be part of what went on due to respect to the mans wife.

so questions arise, why did he act as if this is normal behavior from someone who is a 'friend'? is it for people around to make judgements? if she is indeed a friend does she respect either the man or his wife? aside from a judgement should i have to accept something that breaks down inhibitions that we as a culture slowly come to find 'normal' because of our acceptance? There are a lot of tango events out there that unconsciously or/and deliberately break down peoples bounderies. but where is the social responsibility to putting these people back together or indeed asking permission before you therapise someone. and when people are in an unbounderied state what does this mean for their relationships, friends, husbands, wives, lovers, the group? And importantly respect for each individual as they come, complete.

i am still in the process of questioning as you can see from what i have written above. Questions hihi. but the reality of this through answers is an interesting one. what happens when you ask yourself some of these questions. from two perspectives: 1. from an acceptance of other individuals to make their own choices in life and 2. how you feel deep down. are good healthy bounderies that protect your individuality and individual specials relationships (friendships, lovers, relations of any personal kind) being broken down?

 

Stalkers and Men

18/7/11

Where is the limit between stalker and man? Are they two views we can choose to see of the same person, or an illusion of each depending on what we choose to see. when is the moment that a stalker becomes reality?

For months now there has been a man intruding into my life unwanted. This could just as easily be a women stalking, but now i talk of a man. With any number of situations, emails and calls that come to mind. You never think of a stalker until another person says the word. after that i went to the internet to look up what was written about people who stalk. there were thousands upon thousands of pages dedicated to the subject. A dictionary says:'to follow or approach (game, prey, etc) stealthily and quietly, to pursue persistently and, sometimes, attack (a person with whom one is obsessed).' it was almost like boxes i could tick off, did i feel like this mans prey? YES. Is he persistent? YES Is he stealthy? YES. Does he follow me around? YES. Then the dictionary goes on to say:'to walk in a haughty, stiff, or threatening way'. With this definition this man became a stalker in every aspect. i went on to read another site about stalker personalities and again the more i read, the more i feel this situation is strange. To add to the description above this website adds that a stalker is usually deluding themselves that a victim loves them, that the stalkers actions are done to show true love to the victim and often don't see the harm it causes. here's the link: http://www.esia.net/Common_Traits_of_Stalkers.htm

My story starts with a big tango event i was teaching in about 9 months ago. we had met before this when i was supporting the Malvern tango scene to get going. He was checking out my situation then but it seemed harmless and i was very clear that i am happy with my boyfriend. i get it alot, so thought nothing of it. 9 months ago Jim(not his real name and sorry to all the JIMs out there, nothing personal),started to sit in my line of sight, when ever i looked up he would be there. if i djed he would sit directly opposite, he would ask me to kiss him good night, and say things like i need a good man to keep me. i reply to this that i have a good man, he is in Holland, and walk away. it looked like i had a private lesson free. JIm says something like ' i know you need the money, so i will have the next private lesson with you'. it felt like he was trying say i could be bought. like a prostitute. i told him no. He doesn't take no for an answer. Through the whole event he was trying to make contact, but not in an open friendly way. he was trying to make me feel small, like i was seeing things and its my fault that this is happening to me. i didn't feel safe on my own, but it was more a feeling at this point. after 10 days of this i leave and go back home in the Netherlands.

When i got home i told my boyfriend everything because i have nothing to hide. I have never lead Jim on, i have always been friendly as suits a teacher with her students but there has always been a border to how friendly with this particular man, because it didn't feel clear what he wanted from me. i was left with a yucky feeling that i couldn't get rid of, i was worried that Jim would follow me to my home, i felt physically unsafe. Becoming more introverted in the month that followed and on top of this he entered my nightmares. i can't express how strongly disgusted and yucky i felt with what had happened, the words don't feel enough right now. Then i recieved an email, he was saying racist things about a friend of mine and how we would make such a great event together. i didn't reply. i didn't hear from him and thought it was finished with. But this is also the time when prank phone calls started with 'caller unknown'. i can't prove it was him, but i can't think of another who has given me reason to think it might not be Jim.

At the end of April i traveled to hereford for a weekend of workshops. Jim arrived early, and i kept the distance. Part of my job is to also be host in the weekend, you are one of the people most seen and therefore need to welcome people. so i said hello from a distance and carried on with preparing my djing list. as soon as he came through the door i knew i shouldn't be alone, i asked the organiser who is also a woman if she could make sure i am not left alone with him, and also not to arrange any private lessons with jim. i tried to stay away from him and with people around me for the whole weekend. on the sunday evening we all went to the pub for a meal. i happened to be on my own at the bar ordering a drink and he comes behind me and puts his arm around me as if he wanted to take the contact that i was avoiding. i moved away straight away. while he was doing this my friend also arrived there and looked at me as if this isn't right if he does that. he tried to buy us a drink and overrode my objections. that night my friend dropped me at the airport and i returned to Netherlands again. i got a very intimate email where he was expressing his love for me, that we had our first look, and a completely delusional account of the weekend from his point of view. he described us as two lovers that were kept apart by circumstance. he noticed i had a ring on my wedding ring finger that looks like an engagement ring. that i should run away from my boyfriend to him. He was making out that my boyfriend was holding me by force. Which is crazy of course.

I softly told him that i wasn't interested, that it wasn't an engagement ring but might as well be. if my boyfriend asked me to marry him i would. he replies to this with situations i have no idea about but was supposed to be there. i was supposed to have been in cheltenham in the last months, but haven't been there for years.he mentions my ring as being only in tango and not of any real worth. I told him before, i would marry my boyfriend if he asked me. my ring is for me, but doesn't deminish the idea. I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND AND WANT TO MAKE A LIFE WITH HIM. Jim tries to talk it away and create a stronger seeming bond between us, making out that i have done something my boyfriend might not like. My boyfriend knows everything. Lastly when i introduced the idea of the CABACEO which was a fun half hour of exercises and discussion, which i believe alot of people found invaluable. He says that i shouldn't lead all these men on and that the people aren't ready for the cabaceo. Upsetting their wives. All this in one letter.

His next email a day later is letting me know how many women (he supposedly) has around him and how lucky i am that he is looking at me. He talks about getting into girls knickers and generally seeing women as fickle and unable to make their own minds up about what they might want. i.e him. He asks me to run to him after quoting what i wrote about my boyfriend "It's not an engagement ring but might as well be. If he asked me I would say yes. I am building a life and home with Jacob."

My reply to this was please leave me alone and don't send me emails on this topic again. he pushes and pushes while making out that i am the one not doing what i should do, or leading men on etc etc. i got tired of it. each time he contacts me he brings back this feeling that i am not safe. he is bigger and stronger than i am, if i am alone i don't know what he will do. I FEAR FOR MY SAFETY!

He then went on to post on a facebook group for bristol that he was worried about mysafety and asked whether a friend of mine could check i was safe and ok with my boyfriend in Holland. Long story short letting the world think that we have a link and that he has a right to know about my safety. i had a small number of people getting in touch saying i should contact JIm and let him know i was ok. I felt like my only safety was in a group of people and that people knew there was no contact between us. He had publically taken that away.

About a month ago he contacted me again and asked if he was aloud to get in touch now. Nothing ad got through. he didn't respect me as a person and was deluding himself about our relationship. He wouldn't take no for an answer using physcological games to make me feel stupid and unreasonable.

3 weeks ago i gave workshops in Southampton. it was near the end of the class when i was summing the workshop up. Jim walks in and sits directly where i would see him. my heart dropped but i carried on with the class as normal. I finished the class and started djing. the organiser came up to me and asked what the story was. Jim had upset her door lady and was demanding that the woman on the door tell him if i had a wedding ring on my finger. he was asking over and over until she got the organiser. Jim was asked to leave.

Everything came together last night when i stupidly went to a bristol milonga which is a place i know he goes to dance. it was a last minute idea to go because we had just got back from teaching in france. thought it would be fun. Jim walked in and all the old things he would do were there again. he would hover closeby so i would definitely see him, or sit on the opposite side of the dance floor looking at me. when i first saw him ran upstairs because i didn't want to see him. i was looking for another way out of the building. Then i realised and thought that i shouldn't show him that i was bothered. i had also unconsciously covered up a beautiful dress with something less shape showing. i went and sat down with my friends again. they were staying with me as they knew part of the story. i decided after southampton that everyone should know whats going on. its the only way i can be safe again after his public announcement on the bristol facebook group. the organisers again asked me if i would like him band, but i asked that they look after any young women that might be in their milonga and leave it at that.

the only time i was alone was when i went into the kitchen to get some water. Jim followed me. i was too quick and nearly out of the corridor again (leading to the dancing room). we met in the corridor and he siddles up to me saying hello in a really patronizing voice. i said' don't talk to me' and walked on. he carried on in to the kitchen and i went and sat down again. then i was thinking a moment about all that had been. how he didn't take 'no' for an answer, and kept pushing. how he was intruding on my life physically not feeling safe, emotionally worrying about places where he could turn up and not wanting to be anywhere close to him. Affecting people who i am working with and upsetting people around me. i became angry that he thought it was ok to do all this. Angry that he could delude himself that i loved him without any foundation and doesn't listen when i say i am not available to him. Why should he be able to scare me. Then lastly i thought i must stop this. i had said 'no' him through email but not said anything face to face. so i walked into the kitchen and told him' that i never wanted to recieve any emails, texts, phone calls from him. i didn't want him to talk to me or upset people who i am working with. he started to try and reason with me and make me feel small again. i knew in that moment if i listened everything would be for nothing. i said what i had to say and left the kitchen. he left the milonga soon after.

i don't expect this is the end, but i hope for it. i woke up this morning with the need to write everything down. this man has abused me verbally, and if annoyed i have no trust in what he is capable of doing. part of me doesn't believe in this stalker, put as i take in other peoples reactions to what is going on, reading on the internet, and when it comes to it trusting my own feelings. This Jim is a stalker. he freaks me out and if he is annoyed i don't know what he will do. i fear for my safety in that and thankful that i don't live in the UK.

i don't know why i wanted to write. but then thoughts come having said this. stalkers are almost taboo to talk about, but why should be as a community protect those that do us harm, be it psychologically, emotionally or physically? i am protected because i am fairly prominent when i am in the tango places where i teach or Dj. i want to make this situation public so that those younger women (in this case) will be more aware that this sort of thing can happen and don't feel bad about cutting off from someone who does this to you. Tell everyone you know for your own protection. i was far too late in all this, being friendly when i should have put a wall. keeping the situation quiet just in case he really didn't mean what he was doing, but i should have made it public. lastly this Jim isn't a ma to me, he is a coward that tries to manipulate people who he thinks he can control. i know i am not the first or last woman this Jim has tried to control. A man lives with integrity and honour in his life, this Jim has none.

This is not a fictional piece and is written as naturally as my thoughts flow to the page.