Tuesday, 21 June 2016

Valhalla that is my heart where loved ones reside



These last months of situations and last years of in one sense losses in my life have lead to a somewhat sound sense of what death means to me. Be it the little death or a shedding of skins that leads to new possibilities of horizons, le petit morte which is definitely not as bad as it sounds, the death of body of loved ones and even my own mortality. Death can be both beautiful and positive as it can be upsetting causing deep emotions of grief  and loneliness. So a half poem half text dedicated to all these myriad moments where one reality it shedded and let go for a new one.

Hiding from feeling anything
And yet not hiding at all
am i in shock or denial,
Intense pain or exuberant freedom
that is intoxicating every cell of my body.
Shedding the skins of bounderies and hurts past
for a radiant glistening skin

i am human, i am myself again
i am feeling and analytical and living
I am my loves and i am my friends
I am all that is my family
There is no we anymore, no second heart to care for
Only my own, which seems to be a busy place
I miss your heart and realize i am surrounded by them

Valhalla that is my heart where loved ones reside,
by choosing to feel intensely i open myself to love
and pain in equal measure,
Not to love is no life at all
Valhalla of my heart where you reside
Grandpas, grandmas, my beloved uncle, 
father, mother, brother and cousins

Valhalla that is my heart with open doors to another world
of acceptance and love, closeness, longing and desire.
Existing and believing we are worth our deepest most profound dreams
Thankful to the man who showed me love exists,
and to another who showed me what is could become,
to the others who have touched my soul with your grace
others who brought pain so bad as to make me renew myself.

Valhalla that is my hurt hurting with continual expansion,
yet feeling at peace with its new metamorphosed existance,
Friends who are like stable rocks, new ones like family you never had.
Old ones who have become brothers and sisters
and a cousin who for eternity will be a mix of these all.
People keep you company on the road fo life,
taking you down the highway  with its easy access and flow
At times down a hidden forgotten path
with obstacles that befuddle you and keep you lost
until miraculously you find the main road leading continuously
into the near or far future where i will also rest.
But for now touching every now and again the love that resides in my heart.