Showing posts with label aspirations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label aspirations. Show all posts

Thursday, 18 May 2017

Are you stressed, tired, over worked, have the feeling lots of things...



Are you stressed, tired, over worked, have the feeling lots of things are going strange or wrong and people are taking what they can get when you don't have the energy to be strong?
A little while ago i came by accident on a way to deal with my stress. I am someone who gives a 110% in all things that i do and if i feel its not going as well as it should i can easily feel bad about it. This is definitely the case with people who you try to help and for whatever reason the situation turns around on you. From you helping to getting a back lash that can happen for any number of reasons.

Rather than feel bad about the situations and wollow in self pity or the loss of empowermeant you can do something about it. A small tuning in exercise that enables you to get clear, get active and help yourself into a positive state.

Take a deep breath and write the most comprehensive list of all the things you are feeling, what is stressing you out or making you tired and practical things you feel bad about in some way for whatever reason.

Once you have made the list recognize points that are:
1. Feelings to explore but not be ruled by.
2. Practical things that can be sorted out with planning. Make a plan to get them done with a lot extra time than you actually need.
3. Urgent things that you can sort out quickly and will almost instantly give a feeling of relief.

This is one of the most self empowering things i have done for myself in a long time. I keep forgetting that this works for me so i thought by sharing i might remember better myself.

Sunday, 28 August 2016

Art work and creativity by Isolde Kanikani

 Art has always played a huge part in my life. Whether it be with painting, dancing making music or helping others to make art, its always been there. Taking many forms like modeling for photographers and model shoots. Sometimes these get shown and sometimes remain something hidden or become part of a paid for portfolio by some business or artist or other. Most of all art has been a way of relaxing, expressing present situations and exploring myself in process. The end result being secondary. Now i am finding some of the pictures that have moved me and i am left wondering what to do with this part of my world.













Crutches... New chapter to the crazy chronicles

Thursday 25th august i manage to step down on a spade hard to dig up the stubborn bamboo plant i wanted to take and plant in my new studio. during the forceful action my flimsy shoe breaks and i end up bringing vulnerable flesh down on sharp spade top.  I can't put my weight on it so i crawl through the garden including all the weeds and things i have cut back to leave the garden nice, calling for my father who has fallen asleep in the big armchair in the living room. Then my ex man returns home and finds me half sitting inside and half outside trying not to make a mess of the house with profusely bleeding foot. we bandage it and he picks me up and takes me to the car where we get the foot checked out at the doctor.

Carried into the emergency room and the doctor smiling at the sight, me sheepishly half laughing half smiling. The doctor examines the foot and gives the news that no tendons are broken which is lucky a htis would mean months of recovery. Simply a few nerves might be damages but these will grow back in time. Also that i need a number of stitches but the anesthetic will probably be as painful as the stitches. So i decide to go for the stitches without anesthetic, my god was it painful but i managed to not move or cry out until the last stitch which was directly on a nerve or sensitive point. the last one really throbs even now.

After the doctors and back to the house, i go with my father to pick up some crutches so at least i am able to be a little independent in the next days. Its amazing here, you walk into a shop and hand over your insurance information. Sign a form and eh voula you have rented crutches.

Thursday after getting back home i tried to go to the supermarket just down the road in good old stubborn Isolde style. It was hard and i managed it, but my god do i have a new found respect for anyone who can't simply go to a shop without some walking aid or wheelchair. As a dancer after day 3 i am itching to walk, dance, run, jump as i am used to. so trying to put sunday to use with the finishing of my book.


Tuesday, 19 July 2016

Keep the love flowing

Its been a short time since i have been single again, and it in many ways this should have have happened much sooner. But everything is easier in hindsight. The relationship was beautiful while we were working together keeping the magic alive, but due to things i feel we weren't able to deal with, this time was actually quite quickly replaced by hanging onto something. Something that was indeed beautiful, meaningful and worth nurturing. And somehow we together weren't knowledgeable enough about how to do this, not in agreement about how to move beyond this. But for me now i talk for myself.

In an almost 10 year relationship starting from the moment we met to the moment i found my whole future had changed with my loves wishes, to the moment he set me free and me leaving. i loved deeply and lost myself. Partly due to my own chameleon like nature searching for harmony, and partly due to the fact i was so young when making this commitment to a man who was older and naturally more set in his ways. We met on a level of communication that suited us, but as i developed over the years i got more and more frustrated by not being able to share things and feeling like there were things happening between us that would take months and months to talk about and even shed one word. It improved slowly but we grew apart in what we wanted. Due to live changing changes not being communicated i was very slow in realising that what i wanted and had thought to be possible with this man indeed wasn't. And sadly most of these things had developed because of our first years together and the beautiful strong feeling that was developed. The last 3 years were spent in a sort of limbo between being happy and being scared of losing all that i had worked hard for in my home. Home being the new country i had moved to, the change in my way of working, the dreams that we had once shared of a home and family, stopping with a dance partner i really miss, learning dutch tax law of all things to run a business. I changed my life for love and when it left me i was suddenly free of working hard for a life i had loved but now didn't fit me any longer. The relationship being thoroughly mourned by the upheaval of being pushed away and pulled in again time after time.

I surprised myself that while i was deeply sad underneath i was ready to move on in 2 or 3 weeks. Getting out there again, not holding myself back to be with someone who was in the end very different, very loveable but hard work to connect with. After some weeks of experimenting, dating, catching up with old possibles and questioning myself constantly in what i wanted. i have moved into a new phase. i hadn't realised that the underlying thing i have been afraid of was being left, in many ways by many people i have been left all my life and its been a big dissapointment. i learned to cut off, to not show myself which wasn't very healthy and i pushed myself more than ever to overcome this with my ex man. i don't tell this because i feel sorry for myself but to explain the context. i process things super quickly and last week i reallised my fear, and also that its unfair to expect people to stay forever. This weekend i took some time for myself and let these ideas process. i am still scared to love, and still scared of people leaving but decided to embrace the people around me anyway and keep the love flowing.

Forever thankful to the friends who have grown in the last months, the beautiful men i have met and got to know and the things life is bringing into my world now that i am open to it.




Saturday, 21 May 2016

Are we fated & is there someone looking out for us up there?

Today has been a day of fun, reminders that somehow the universe knows what one needs and difficulty knowing how to act respectfully in regards to a decision one personally completely doesn't understand. Are we regulated by fate, some force to be defined or simply randomly exist without any guidance at all?

This is such an individual topic without right answers, simply a recognition of how you might feel about events in relation to your life and the possibility of choice.

i can only write about my own experiences today. Today i believe that somehow miraculously the universe sent me the things i needed. In not so many words you could say the universe made me feel beautiful and appreciated by sending me asian guys and a really cute guy i would have liked to get to know a bit more but didn't take the opportunity. I was a bit surprised by it to respond. being followed by a car for a few blocks is fairly normal but the important thing is that it made me laugh where i only felt sad before. It seems that when you are on the right path you are looked after by the universe and when on the bumpy side road to no where its simply difficult. i just got on the highway again after quite some years of bumpy.

So is this a form of reward for being in the right place or is fate such that you get the good with the bad. While i can't answer this question i can feel blessed today. Thank you...


Monday, 11 January 2016

What is the difference between femininity and feminism. Whats your take?


 


This has been a subject that comes up time and time again both in conversation and with myself. Interestingly its also associated with my traveling and staying for longer time in different cultures where femininity means something different for the natives than other places i have visited. Often when we are at  meal with friends chilling out after a gorgeous meal. Feminism has had a huge impact on some cultures while leaving others in the dark. Some cultures went so far with certain aspects of the charge to only alienate men into a place of not knowing how to relate to the women in their lives. While i am truly thankful for the freedoms the feminist movement made for women, i mourn the impact its had on a large number of men who have been left emasculated.

Femininity is often associated with feminism. Someone close to me was strongly feminist when i was growing up, sharing firm beliefs about the differences between men and women. After a while i needed to protect myself as i could see that to not do so would result in me as a young child taking on too many of these ideas. Partly because they seemed to be more about the individual tellers insecurities and history, and partly i suspected men weren't that terrible and women were just as bad. On top of this though i felt for myself that feminism was more focused on the differences between men and women and often putting a bad light on men, and less concerned with the strength of women. Maybe feminism went too far in some areas, creating a new generation of emasculated men and i feel its really important to thank of those women who created many of the freedoms i enjoy today. But are the women of today really making the most of it?

Feminism has also set up this polarity between men and women, maybe its a reaction to a polarity already existing from earlier times. This movement somehow creating a need that woman are equal to men and therefore need to act like men in order to get further in this world. This polarizing meant that there is some underground internal fight that keeps us continually wondering if we are man enough, or women enough and nowadays not really knowing what we are fighting about.  While we are all vying for the same space of being equal in success and doing this in a perceivably masculine manner, there isn't enough space for everyone to reach this goal. Women aren't playing to their strengths and only enforcing the idea of a mans world.

So again I ask, what is femininity? My take on this is playing to the strengths of my personality and body. I don't think men and women are so different in our basic needs and we can all do a little learning where being true to ourselves is concerned. But there is a big difference in our bodies and its something to not be ashamed of. I openly admit i am not as strong as a man in lifting boxes or pushing broken down cars. I have more energy and endurance than most men i have met. Women are more flexible than men on average and better able to maintain physical endurance than many men. There are many differences than physiological ones and some people go as far as to say that women are more socially able due to the extra x chromosome they have. Mixing my bodies unique capabilities with my personality its an able cocktail of ingredients but it this alone feminine? I feel that there is something extra and it could be that femininity is the mark society leaves on us as girls growing up and is a bit dated. I feel surely that its about empowering myself by harnessing the power i have as a women to get things done and this includes bringing elegance into my life. Being aware of my body language and what this means to others, using it to my advantage in business and help me in social situations. When i am feminine i am intelligent, social, elegant, enticing and playful like a child

In the end we each have to decide what this means to us and how we wish to embody it. Its an intriguing subject to introduce here. For the men too, what does it mean to be a man in this world. If any of you guys out there would like to write an article on this i would love to post here. This is a start and i hope to revisit this topic soon and in more depth.

Check out our various options to follow more articles like this. Including articles on travel, style and dance.

Some great blogs i read before writing this article: http://running.competitor.com, http://thoughtcatalog.com, http://www.wired.co.uk


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Friday, 1 January 2016

Consulting your inner dream dictionary

 

Consulting your inner dream dictionary... no new years resolution list here!

Instead of setting new years resolutions which implies one will surely deliver on a list of things that might or might not be possible. Confining you to the many possible limitations while fulfilling, or simply the feeling of failure if not delivering said item on said list. Open for some suggestions?

 

Tips 1: turn resolutions into aspirations (this tip was given to me by an old friend)


Try out the power of aspirations, aspiring to reach a goal has a very different feel to resolutions and gives room for movement. After all the idea of new years resolutions are to improve oneself or to reach new possibilities. A pattern of setting a list of things we can't actually deliver sets up a self confirming failure pattern. Why do it to yourself? Step out of the cycle and live for the moment, consult your own personal dream dictionary for things that give you energy when aspiring to do them. Enjoy this new found motivation and see where it takes you. Often the journey is richer than the original goal and with any good journey the destination will change anyway suiting your new situation. 

Tip 2: Do away with the inner task list


We clutter our lives and our thoughts with so many must do's and have to's, the wishes of others and the expectations we perceive to be laid upon us. What happens if you step away from the inner task list and search for an activity that enables you to simply get in touch with yourself. As I write this one I know I am suspect of not doing this too. One of the hardest most beautiful things is to live with ourselves as we are and with who we are. When we harshly judge ourselves we step into a pattern of judging others too. When doing this we open up the space for others analysis in return, that becomes still more baggage we place on our internal task list. Stopping the cycle of judgements can help stop yet more incoming tasks but a great secondary result is others around us can feel more peacefulness too. In effect you are de-cluttering your inner space helping stress levels, stepping out of patterns that can hurt you and others and hopefully giving space enough to get in touch with yourself.

 

Tip 3:  Dream dictionary and holding onto dead wood


In this article I am referring to the term dream dictionary, using it as a reference to the innermost wishes, desires and aspirations we have. Sometimes we tell these to the world and sometimes they lay hidden. Some will be easily fulfilled and others may simply be left to one side or vanish when not needed anymore. Maybe you already found your dream girl or dream house. What is lying within the pages of your dream dictionary?

If i show you a few of mine will you show me yours? Any dreams or aspirations you might have and are willing to share can be added to the comment section of this article and would be appreciated.

So some of mine in simple list form (some have are here or already realized and they are in no particular order):
  • to experience a deep love and trust of another human being.
  • to remain in touch with myself and the nature that surrounds me.
  • to learn new things, seek new adventures, continually discovering and exploring.
  • to share love and intimacy with a loved one, a child, pets and caring community creating a feeling of family. It comes from being comfortable with loneliness but choosing to search for more.
The great thing about getting in touch with your aspirations is that clarity bout the dead wood you are carrying in your life also surfaces. This new found awareness and space gives you insight into the things you are holding onto, or pulling away energy. If they aren't in your dream dictionary or working towards something there, then its probably good to let go. Don't do this because this article says so, check it in yourself and make the decision if its the right one. You have to live with the choice. 

Admitting I am terrible at this process myself, moving from natural collector to hoarder. Then at some moment being fed up with stuff that clogs up my living space, physical and metaphysical. I move to organizer and more minimalist. I found it was a huge weight off my shoulders when getting rid of resolutions for new years or otherwise. Finding a do now or let go approach works better for me. Not judging myself is an ongoing learning process, with a perfectionist tendencies relating to work and creative projects its hard to not let this impede on my personal conversation with myself. Many more tips could have been included, in the hope to avoid overload and delve into the simple idea of of touching base with yourself I left these out. 

Enjoyed this article? It would be lovely to hear an aspiration, point out of your dream diary and anything else you would like to share.


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