Wednesday, 16 December 2015

Forever friend cutest cat i ever knew


Sometimes I think its so rare to truly love and be loved by another person. somehow all the complexities of life interfere with the simple act of loving someone or something. we get too caught up in what it means if we love someone, what we want need or fear from loving and how should be go about doing this in the right way. also in the fantasizing about how it should be if we really fall in love. i am very slowly learning there isn't a right way, but getting my brain to take this on in a practical way is totally different to understanding it intellectually.

but when it comes to animals we humans (especially the English it seems), have a huge affinity for love with no complications. so i right of the animal that showed me unquestioning love. she had many roles in my life when i was growing up sister, mother, friend, tiger, little monster and Rose the cat that loves me. it may sound strange but i think she shaped the way i relate to people both in physical contact and in the way i love someone.

The reason i write about love and this Rose is that she passed away on the 20th June 2008. she lived to the age of nearly 20, accompanying me through life from when i was 4 years old. we grew together, loved together, she had fun with tom cats and we looked after her babies, together.

we used to play this game where she would run off into the house and scatter up to the top of one of the doors, i would chase after her and have to shake each door in turn to make sure she wasn't there. when she was she would jump down and run to the next. in the beginning it was usually because i was trying to catch and put her outside for a while, but eventually it became a game we both enjoyed.

When she was about 8 months old she started to have many kittens. The first ones died as she wasn't really aware of how to look after them. I learned so much about life and death and suffering from these kittens. but also about the joys of the world. In the beginning we had to feed the kittens with cows milk through little pipets from medicine bottles. They died anyway but it was the trying that mattered, and of course the fact that Rose slowly got the idea that it wasn't enough to get frisky with Tom cats but if she wanted the kittens to live she would have to feed them. she became a very good mother. we ended up keeping 5 of her babies at various times (Bryer, Merlin, Simba, jasper better known as 'little boy' and daisy). as she got older some of the kittens were being born malformed. i was helping her with one litter when I was about 12 years old. there was one baby born with no skin and some of its limbs were missing, but amazingly it lived. i steeled myself, took the kitten outside where there was a big flat rock and I crushed it with another. I was shaking so badly afterwards but it was the right thing to do. it was in such pain and was making these horrible noises. i had to help it. this was the best i could do. she had approximately 70 kittens over all and she filled many peoples lives with the love that only animals can give to humans. in some ways later on she was also a typical Italian big mama, with her boys who sorted her territory in Penzance and then she was retired to Devon where she was loved a lot by my father or Da.

It was only in her last years that i was away from her a lot (and my father or Da loved her and was loved in return). i have many tears, but know she had a good life. its difficult to think that she died on the day that i really let go of living in the UK. i think somehow she knew this was the time within which everything was changing. She was and will always be deep in my heart, my little tiger, My Rose.